You Say You Want A Resolution?  

January 27, 2019
Long Beach



I have given a lot of thought to all the loving outreach I received last week concerning my last post about depression.   

First off to everyone who responded, thank you, thank you, thank you.  Your concern for me is touching.  Sometimes in the bubble of my own isolation, it is impossible to get any perspective.  At the same time, I also realize that for every time someone reaches out for help, ninety nine other times they don’t.  It’s not easy, but I believe that judicious use of the “lifeline” is advisable.   I am also keenly aware that one red flag involves “falling through the cracks”.  Leaning into or testing the idea of what would happen if I just “disappeared” is a morbid precursor in the presumption that nobody would miss me if I was gone.  I am not comfortable with this notion and I am calling myself on it…right here, right now!  If anyone else feels that way, I will immediately be adding you to my call list!  (see resolution #36 below). 

It’s weird to talk about personal stuff on social media.  It’s the equivalent of having an intense conversation with someone without making eye contact.  The connection has an odd degree of separation to it, yet my sentiments were interpreted perfectly by those who responded, which makes it gratifying to be heard.  It definitely has a healing element to it, akin to the work that goes on in 12-Step Meetings, Heart Circles, group therapy and such.   And it made me closer to some who responded and made me think about others I have neglected. 

 It also feels self-indulgent.  I mention this because I have a ginormous aversion to self-indulgence (we hate the things about others that we hate most about ourselves?)   I was of the opinion that my mother was a lifelong hypochondriac .  She was always complaining about aches and pains and lumps and bumps and never really did anything about them.  My feeling is if you are in pain you seek attention for it, STAT!  So my sense of her was that all her physical grievances were imagined, just a way of getting attention.  By extension I have exceedingly low tolerance to ANYONE who use their (real or imagined)  physical or mental concerns the same way.  If you’re not vomiting up blood or have a crowbar embedded in your skull, I have tended to lack empathy for you.   It’s a defect of my character to be sure,  but divining the difference between Fibromyalgia and laziness or a deep depression and a chronic desire to be loved is a sticky wicket for me.   For crying out loud, I owned a business called “It’s All About ME-dia”.  How self-centered can you get?  I feel a little “judgy” about indulging myself with this writing, but I also find it sorta therapeutic, sorta fun, and perhaps sorta entertaining to others?  I mean, if writing is something I am capable of, perhaps I should do it?  N’est-ce pas?


Life goes on.   I can’t wallow in my own juices.  I have more Scrabble games to lose!  I have ads to run for clients so that they get more business and pay me more money!   And I have my list of 50 things I want to do this year that I have still not published. 

Well that’s about to end.  Below are the 50 things I am committed to doing this year.  First off, there is a $100 gift card on January 1, 2020 going to anyone who looks at this list, writes a number of how many of these things they think I will actually accomplish, puts in an envelope and mails it to 2722 E. 20th Street #302 Signal Hill, CA 90755 before December 1, 2019 and is the closest to the number I actually accomplish.  (hint: I am already doing #27).  Also if there is anything on this list you want to "partner" with me on......I am all ears!  Come on down!  Let's have some fun! Or make some money!  Or stew in a creative miasma!  Or just enjoy the fruits of collaboration and further our relationship!  I've got a race to win!  

50 THINGS I AM GOING TO DO IN 2019 LIKE IT OR NOT….

1)       I am going to properly learn to play the guitar this year and at least sound like I know what I am doing.  I am also going to write at least one song. 
2)      I am going to practice and perform stand-up somewhere/anywhere/everywhere – open mics this and that and the other thing.
3)      I am going to produce a Laurel Canyon Radio concert at the Hotel Café.
4)      I am going to produce a Laurel Canon Radio Live concert/remote at Venice Beach.
5)      I am going to study Scrabble and do my best to get to somewhere near 1700 rating provided I play tournaments.
6)      I am either going to make my agency viable again or I am going to do something else – like drive around the country or start a new business or get a job.
7)      I am going to try to visit my Dad more.
8)      I am going to try to write the play, book, etc that is inside me.  It is starting with my daily writing exercises which I started today.  It may not be good, but it will be finished.
9)      I am going to do at least 1 exercise class and/or one gym visit per week to give value to my gym membership and my health.
10)   I am going to hit the 4 states I have not been to yet – Wyoming, North Dakota, Montana and Idaho.
11)   I am going to learn how to drive a standard transmission vehicle.
12)   I am going to volunteer somewhere. 
13)   I am going to say yes to ROMANCE every chance I get.
14)   I am going to attempt to read 2 books per month.
15)   I am going to attempt to watch 100 movies this year and write reviews of them all.
16)   I am going to design a new T-shirt and logo for Laurel Canyon Radio and get it out there for sale!
17)   I am going to join at least 1 writing meet-up and 1 entrepreneur meetup.
18)   I am going to get rid of every extraneous thing in my possession.
19)   I am going to spend time with the people I like the most and I am going to let them know who they are.    
20)   I am going to visit friends no matter where they are when they invite me!
21)   I am going to make a list of 5 things every day that I am grateful for even when life sucks.
22)   I am going to act as if life is always abundant – and learn about something new every day. 
23)   I am going to buy a new washing machine.
24)   I am going snorkeling somewhere.
25)   I am going to get involved in someone else’s passion project.
26)   I am going to make a to-do list every day even when I am planning on doing nothing.
27)   I am going to create a blog to record all my stuff and I don’t care if anyone reads or not, but if I write a lot about Scrabble I know Scrabble players will read it.
28)   I am going to ask for help when I need it and give help when I am asked.
29)   I am going to have 5 favorite new podcasts, follow 3 new blogs and blog more on other boards. 
30)   I am going to get 100 Spotify followers, 100 Instagram followers, 2000 Facebook followers and 500 Twitter followers. 
31)   I am going to see The Dead & Co perform and some other iteration of anyone from CSNY.
32)   I am going to pretend that every day is a vacation, but some of them require me to work.
33)   I am going to do everything full-assed. 
34)   I am going to learn how to cook soups.
35)   I am going to try to get a Crossword Puzzle Published in the NY Times.
36)   I am going to create a list of people I call every month, come hell or high water, especially those who request it. 
37)   I am going to do a new geocache in every state I haven’t done one in.
38)   I am going to one music festival. 
39)   I am going to run a half marathon sometime this year. 
40)   I am going to maintain my weight.
41)   I am going to take lots of photographs.
42)   I am going to be open-minded, open-hearted and open-toed.
43)   I am going to learn to play bridge.
44)   I am going to direct a 100 game Scrabble tournament.
45)   I am going to host a Team Scrabble event somewhere.
46)   I am going to find the presidential candidate I like the most and volunteer to help their campaign. 
47)   I am going to return all my emails and phone calls ASAP.
48)   I am going to outrun depression with Scrabble (the theme of the blog!)
49)   I am going to keep my house clean, my mind clean and my body clean.
50)  I am going to keep my financial house in order.    


Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 27, 2019 at 11:42 AM

    Terrific list! Have fun! I want to read your play and share mine with you. I hope I see you again next time you travel SE or I travel W. You are such an interesting person :)

    ReplyDelete

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