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July 29, 2019 It is Never Your Fault…We’re Just Wired Differently (Warning…this is a highly personal note and discusses my experiences with self-harm) The first thing I want to point out to you as that I am currently in no danger of self-harm.   I suffer from dysthymia, a persistent but less severe version of depression.   And if I appear to be carefree, it’s only to camouflage my sadness.   I have had this for quite some time and probably the worst side effect is that I prefer to spend copious amounts of time by myself, can tolerate only my closest friends for any period of time and seriously super-suck at relationships because I am ardently moody, surly, non-communicative, harshly judgmental (of myself and others) and often intolerant and unforgiving.   Not that you would know that but my carefully groomed outward demeanor.    Suffice to say, it takes a lot of work to present the Postman you see each day, but I inwardly desperately crave com...
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Hot Java - June 14, 2019 Long Beach, CA  Ruminations On Turning 60 Rumination #1:  Meh Rumination #2:  Don't do it, it's a TRAP. Rumination #3:  I'm not particularly fond of any of the platitudes associated with aging as they only seem suited for ad copy in a Senior Living Condominium Community brochure or a  TV commercial for Cialis: 60 is the new 40! Age is just a number! You'll always be young at heart! They seem not only trite but also bear a sense of resignation to the fact that our days are numbered, but then again, aren't all our days numbered from the day we are born, albeit with a few additional commas in the early going.  My soul for a few extra commas! As I was driving up La Cienega Blvd at 3am this morning, long before the daily traffic becomes a bubbling miasma of frustration, tedium and rage, I feel a keener sense of ownership and enjoyment of the area I've called home for 38 years.  Even if I haven't lived in Los Angeles p...
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Humbling Scrabble Tournament

Day 2 Pacific Coast Open Newport Beach, Very humbling experience.  Although 8-7 doesn't look like a terrible record, considering the average player I played was rated at around 1000, the expectation was that I would do a lot better.  Did my skills decline so badly from 2 weeks ago when I did well above expectations in an "A" division? Who can really know?  Were my tiles that much better or worse this last weekend?  Did I take lower rated players for granted?  (I only played 4 people rated higher than me and lost to all of them).  It's disappointing because I put a fair amount of time into studying, however I study actual words, not what words come in a rack of  IUUVQW?  So you can't see what's not there.  Even then though, I missed a fair share of Day 2 3-4 (8-7 +1 overall)  14th place loss of 53 rating points.  I lost to 540 rated player.  I gave up the highest play of the tournament as well as the biggest upset and even...
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Reconciliation

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Reconciliation February 28, 2019 Phoenix, AZ After almost three weeks in Arizona, I am going home tomorrow, thankfully.  Not that I don't find it pleasant here and the weather has surprisingly turned back to what I expected it to be when I first agreed to this trip, but I guess it is just time to move on. The Newport Beach Scrabble tournament awaits.   It is somewhat ironic (as it was in San Francisco and as it is in LA) that my fall back position is to hang out at coffee houses, go to Scrabble clubs (three this week!), study my Scrabble words in front of political TV and monitor my email for any signs of actionable work activity.  Day after day.  Wash, rinse, repeat, sigh.  While opportunity continues to percolate hither and yon, a more aggressive approach to financial responsibility (and solvency) needs to accompany this sleepwalk toward responsibility.  Checking my emails will not pay the bills! As many of you know, I unplugged from television...
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I Want Community aka Postpartum Depression February 21, 2019 Phoenix Good grief, it's raining like nobody's business here in Phoenix for what seems like the seventh straight day.  And when it isn't raining,  it's cold AF.  I thought this would be a weeks-long respite from the "grisly" cold of Los Angeles' winter (low 60s).  This has turned out to be some kind of Noah's Ark/Polar Vortex and has cast my opinion of Phoenix into a whole other light.  Apparently, sometimes winter is pretty much inescapable.  I am sipping on a delicious Blonde Roast at a local Starbucks, enjoying the flavor, but besieged by the physical restlessness light roast nurtures and the emotional restlessness produced by relentless rain.  How does Winter/winter do it? I am on the other side of the Phoenix Scrabble tournament, it was last Saturday-Sunday-Monday.  For several days I was among my peers, my community, the people I care about most.  It feels affirming to ...
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Day 3 Phoenix Scrabble Tournament - So Close!

Phoenix Scrabble Tournament The Phoenix Scrabble Tournament is in the books.  I definitely punched above my weight but alas was one place short of the money, going 12-8 +658 for 5th place.  Had I won the last game (which included 2 "bone-headed" errors, I would have finished in 3rd place in the "top dog" division, a group of twenty top-flight players.  On top of that, I now have my all time highest rating at 1659 (remember my goal is to hit 1700 - "quasi-expert" level before the end of the year.  Pretty stoked about my overall showing, even if one more win would have made me about $350 richer.  Nevertheless, my opponent who beat me out for the prize, Laurie Cohen was good enough to treat me to an ice cream sundae at the Sugar Bowl in Scottsdale after the event!  Would I rather have had the money?  Just amazed at how far I have come since "hitting the books since starting my Scrabble ascent.  Hard to believe I was an "1100" rated player five...
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Phoenix Tournament Day 2 -

  Not enough sleep last night has finally got to me.  Came home from today's play, sat down on the couch and three hours later I am awake again!  Ha!  Another decent day at the tiles, surprisingly. Total Tournament Record:  10-6 +570  (5th place - 12th seed) Today 5-3 +409 BINGOS TODAY:   14 (1.75 BPG) - Slightly above  average.... RIGIDEST (81) HAULOUT (78) REGLETS (84) TRUCING (70) OSTEOID (70) DAIKONS (75) ENTREES (68) AIRHEAD (73) ATRESIC (77) TELLERS (68) NAILERS (74) VETERANS (65) RANGIEST (72) HANTLES (74) BINGOS AGAINST:  13 (1.62 BPA) - Above average - but I was playing smart people! STENCIL (78) LEVODOPA (95) BAUDEKIN (73) PIEFORTS (71) IMPORTS (76) FEDEXING (76) LOCATOR (64) LINEATE (75) TOLIDINE (60) FAINTEST (63) CANOPIED (65) DEARIES (78) DISTAIN (75) OTHER GROOVY PLAYS FOR:  GOLFS (42) XED (33) PUGGLE (32) BHAJI (34) WINE (40) JIMPY (38) REX (41) GROOVY PLAYS AGAINST:  ODS (40) HAFIZ (40) AXLE (4...
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